Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you.

I spend my Friday nights at home watching Ghost Adventures and reading books until I can't stay awake any longer.

Today starts the start of something that has the potential to the the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
 
February is challenge month. I have been challenged not to eat fastfood. "No Fast Food February". I will save money and most likely cut down on A LOT of fatty carbs and calories.
 
I have been challenged to run up against two other ladies to see who can lose the most weight in two months (February and March). Whoever loses the most gets given a gift by the others.
 
I have been challenged to drink nothing but water and a healthy smoothies here and there.
 
I have been challenged to try something new every week.
 
I have been challenged to spend my paycheck wisely. (I usually spend it all of useless junk).
 

Do you want to do one or more of those challenges with me? Today is a good day to start.
 
I hope you all have a good day! :)

I'm pretty sure my co-worker is going to be the death of me.
She's in the same position as me, without a car. But unlike me, she's cheating the system to get a bigger paycheck. Oh it makes me so mad. And not only that, she does practically nothing all day. She just sits on her lazy butt and talks on the phone.
 
I had a dream I confronted her about it.
 
Don't know if I could actually confront her though. I just complain about her laziness and stupidity. Sigh. I wish she'd quit or get fired already. Seriously.
 
Frustration.

I have been without friends since October of 2011.
 
October 2011 was the last time I cut myself.
 
I now believe that God takes people out of your life for a reason. And I think He took my "friends" out of my life to show me that they are actually terrible influences. And I realized and found out that they were in fact. I'm better off. But just because I'm better off doesn't mean I'm not lonely. I'm pretty, very lonely.
 
I have gotten used to, and I now have the ability to love being with myself and be okay being alone. But boy, it does get lonely. I don't have any nights outs with friends, I never get invited anywhere, I don't get to sleep over anywhere. It's home and work. Home and work. Back and forth.
 
And I'm okay with that.
But I keep praying and I keep asking God for friends. And some come along, but they don't stay very long. It's hard to understand.
I mean, I don't really understand. But I trust Him.
 
It has also, recently, been revealed to me that God has not answered my prayers because He wants me to see that all I need is Him. And I have been trying to lean on nothing but Him. But it is hard.
 
You see, I have only been a full follower of Christ for a year. Even though I grew up in a Christian home. I was one of those fake kids that walked around church like a zombie and never paid any attention to anything. But things changed after my brother killed himself and my boyfriend broke up with me and my best friend turned into a psycho b-word. God reached into my chest and changed my heart for real.
 
So, I'm alone, but I'm not.
I don't have friends, but I have God.
It's hard to see things the way God sees them.
But I just have to trust Him and believe that He has good plans for me.
 
And that is what keeps me going.

Fear.
 
I have always, always, always been afraid of lots of things. Strange things. Things that, if I did, would hurt me in some form or another. The top two things that scared me the most was driving and changing my physical appearance.
 
What? A 22 year old that can't drive?! Yeah, I know, I know. But up until last year, I was pretty terrified of cars and the road and everything about being in a moving vehicle. It was a fear adopted from all the near accidents I have been in. My family, well, they're not terrible drivers, they're not not very careful. We all have ADD, and ADD while driving is not cool.
 
Anyway. The second thing I was scared of; Changing my physical appearance. I hated myself. From age 9 to age 20 I HATED how I looked, how I felt, and who I was. From age 12 to age 20 I self harmed, I self neglected, and I was a terrible person all around. From the time I was in 3rd grade, I was overweight and I have stayed overweight. I kept saying that I needed to lose weight. But I never tried my best. And when you don't put your whole heart into something, you don't really want it that badly.
 
Now, at age 22, I am currently working on getting my driver's license and saving up for a car. Something I NEVER imagined myself doing!
 
I am also working my butt off to get fit. I have sent 12 years feeling terrible about my looks and one year (2012) loving my body and not worrying about how I look.
 
Even though loving your body is a very good thing, it could also be dangerous. If you love how you look now, and you feed your body junk food, and you just get more and more unhealthy, it is not cool. And that is what I did. I fell in love with myself and didn't care what anyone thought of me (great!), but I kept "treating" myself to the things I love (chocolate, fastfood, doughnuts, candy, soda, etc) (bad!).
 
It was the end of December 2012 when I decided. "2013 WILL be different. 2013 not only will be GREAT it will also be AMAZING."
 
I have already lost 8 pounds and 2 inches.
 
I have small goals and one large goal.
 
I have a bunch of challenges I'm going to be doing.
 
I have been working out for at least 30 minutes every day. I workout before every shower, before work, at work, after work, and while watching tv.
 
I eat only healthy foods.
 
I stopped drinking soda, I'm cutting out fast food, I'm cutting out cake, and doughnuts, and candy.
 
I'm sleeping better, living better, and being better.
 
This year is a year of fearlessness.